And E Shall CONQUER
Sometimes, there are moments in our lives where we are so great, it defies words. I heard, I moved, I conquered...
Was sleeping peacefully at Steve's house, (yes i was sleeping) when, suddenly, about 3:45AM, what do i hear but "CHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP.....(breath)....CHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP....." Then, a slight beep, like a car alarm. "WEEEOOOWEEEOOO BEEP BEEP BEEP." only the beep beep part, in a chirp type fashon.
I came flying out of bed. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" I say to my sleepy counterpart. To me, it sounded like it was in the damn house. He says, "shit I don't know. Go find out." Ah, just like my dad. (My mother will attest to this. Buglar in the house? Send the wife.)
So i head out to the living room and look for whatever is making that noise. Luckily, i'm in my underpants and a tubetop (pants were not necessary, finding and killing the noise was.) Can't find anything in the house, but I hear it coming from outside, LOUDLY. So, I step outside. Since it's a nice night out, i step out in my underpants and tube top with no thought to the weather, but i'm sure the neighbors are all quite interested in my pink underpants. And since the back porchlight is now on, and i'm standing in the middle of the back patio with no cover and in the pool of light, i'm REALLY sure they are interested in my pink underpants trying to elimante the noise that is bothering them as well.
So I think... How do you eliminate something you cannot see? Just like you eliminate two dogs making that "HRUH HRUGH" noise. The hose. I stand there and consider. Hm. A hose. I have to step off onto the dirt that is Steve's yard right now. So i tiptoe off and i find the spigot which is about 3 steps around the corner from the patio. Ok, give me a break here. It's now almost 4:00AM, I turn the spigot on thinking i could find the source and pick it up and spray. Yeah, found the source, it was attached to a sprinkler pointed right at the yard i was standing in. Yipes! Turned that off as fast as I could. Unscrewed the sprinkler from the hose, and turned the hose back on. And i hear the chirp laughing. "CHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP....(breath)...CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP...... sigh Ok. SO i get the hose-a-going and I'm spraying, and the chirping begins to kinda studder. Then, i see the offending cricket jumping. I run after it and spray the shit out of that bastard.
ah. silence....
"CHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP...(breath)... CHIRRRRRRRRRRRP" So after a few creative swears that may or may not have involved monkeys, I start spraying all around the little concrete slab that is steve's patio. THEN, i spot the little bastard. It's a little brown frog. He does not like to be wet. So i spray right on top of him. Not trying to kill him, trying to move him- closer to the neighbors house. Spray- hop- Spray- hop - spray -hop hop hop hop. HA! He's now jumping over to the other side of the house, away from the bedroom window where the unbrave sleeps, and I have VICTORY! I sortof stand there for a second watering the lawn, thinking how much steve really needs grass seed (his lawn is dead) and then remember oh yeah. Pink underpants. I tiptoe back to the spigot, turn it off, and get my feet wet and go back to bed.
About 20 minutes later, the cricket is back. but this is the crickets wife. "Don't take heem aye Luv heeem!" CHIRP CHIRP. This time, i let steve take care of it. He chooses to turn on the stereo in the living room (on a sleep timer of 30 minutes) to drown out the little wife's sobs of sorrow with some other noise. Nope. She likes to sing along with the radio. It takes me 5 minutes longer than the music was on to fall asleep.
But she did finally shut up.
Two minutes before I fell asleep.
Damn nature.
This may be one of my last posts with blogger because I have been having so much trouble posting pictures. I will try and keep you updated with the results.
Was sleeping peacefully at Steve's house, (yes i was sleeping) when, suddenly, about 3:45AM, what do i hear but "CHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP.....(breath)....CHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP....." Then, a slight beep, like a car alarm. "WEEEOOOWEEEOOO BEEP BEEP BEEP." only the beep beep part, in a chirp type fashon.
I came flying out of bed. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" I say to my sleepy counterpart. To me, it sounded like it was in the damn house. He says, "shit I don't know. Go find out." Ah, just like my dad. (My mother will attest to this. Buglar in the house? Send the wife.)
So i head out to the living room and look for whatever is making that noise. Luckily, i'm in my underpants and a tubetop (pants were not necessary, finding and killing the noise was.) Can't find anything in the house, but I hear it coming from outside, LOUDLY. So, I step outside. Since it's a nice night out, i step out in my underpants and tube top with no thought to the weather, but i'm sure the neighbors are all quite interested in my pink underpants. And since the back porchlight is now on, and i'm standing in the middle of the back patio with no cover and in the pool of light, i'm REALLY sure they are interested in my pink underpants trying to elimante the noise that is bothering them as well.
So I think... How do you eliminate something you cannot see? Just like you eliminate two dogs making that "HRUH HRUGH" noise. The hose. I stand there and consider. Hm. A hose. I have to step off onto the dirt that is Steve's yard right now. So i tiptoe off and i find the spigot which is about 3 steps around the corner from the patio. Ok, give me a break here. It's now almost 4:00AM, I turn the spigot on thinking i could find the source and pick it up and spray. Yeah, found the source, it was attached to a sprinkler pointed right at the yard i was standing in. Yipes! Turned that off as fast as I could. Unscrewed the sprinkler from the hose, and turned the hose back on. And i hear the chirp laughing. "CHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP....(breath)...CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP...... sigh Ok. SO i get the hose-a-going and I'm spraying, and the chirping begins to kinda studder. Then, i see the offending cricket jumping. I run after it and spray the shit out of that bastard.
ah. silence....
"CHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP...(breath)... CHIRRRRRRRRRRRP" So after a few creative swears that may or may not have involved monkeys, I start spraying all around the little concrete slab that is steve's patio. THEN, i spot the little bastard. It's a little brown frog. He does not like to be wet. So i spray right on top of him. Not trying to kill him, trying to move him- closer to the neighbors house. Spray- hop- Spray- hop - spray -hop hop hop hop. HA! He's now jumping over to the other side of the house, away from the bedroom window where the unbrave sleeps, and I have VICTORY! I sortof stand there for a second watering the lawn, thinking how much steve really needs grass seed (his lawn is dead) and then remember oh yeah. Pink underpants. I tiptoe back to the spigot, turn it off, and get my feet wet and go back to bed.
About 20 minutes later, the cricket is back. but this is the crickets wife. "Don't take heem aye Luv heeem!" CHIRP CHIRP. This time, i let steve take care of it. He chooses to turn on the stereo in the living room (on a sleep timer of 30 minutes) to drown out the little wife's sobs of sorrow with some other noise. Nope. She likes to sing along with the radio. It takes me 5 minutes longer than the music was on to fall asleep.
But she did finally shut up.
Two minutes before I fell asleep.
Damn nature.
This may be one of my last posts with blogger because I have been having so much trouble posting pictures. I will try and keep you updated with the results.
posted by Scarlet at
1:58 PM
2 Comments:
Xanga's better.
make mom join, too and end all of this.
I laughed at this story. I can imagine myself doing the same thing to get them to shush!
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