Friday, October 28, 2005

Super Grande Triple mocha latte with non fat fat free skim soy milk with a little bit of cinnamon on top of non fat whipped cream.

I love coffee I love tea
I love the Java Jive and it loves me
Coffee and tea and the Java and me
a cup a cup a cup a cup a cup

oh yeah

I love coffee sweet and hot
Ooh mister mocha I'm a coffee pot
Make it all hot and I'll Pour you a spot
a cup a cup a cup a cup a cup
[The Java Jive, it's a song I sang in 9th grade and I can't remember any more words.]

When I drink coffee, which is not very often (even though I do enjoy it), I drink it with French vanilla creamer, and 5 sugar packets. I've been to starbucks twice, and both times I thought it sucked. I thought it was overpriced, and when the dude asked me what size I wanted, I said small, the bitch behind me Scoffed, and said, "Listen, do you want, Large, Grande, or Supremo" or what the fuck ever size you get there. "I'm in a hurry." I said, "I don't. I want small please, and I wasn't talking to you." The guy laughed and said, "I'm sorry ma'am, we don't have small. But I'll give you the smallest size we have." Ok cool. So my beef is not with the hot guy making less than minimum wage at starbucks. He's just trying to make a living. I don't care for starbucks the company, but that is another rant all together. My beef is with all those coffee drinkers out there who have to have everything so fucking perfect for their coffee. And they think they know everything because they can recite their order so easily. Hey guess what, if you know your fucking order so well, make it yourself. Or better yet, try going one hour without drinking a fucking coffee. Excuse the fuck out of me if I don't drink your shitty bitter coffee every fucking day and I don't know the lingo. Fuck you. The coffee drinkers that I come in contact with day after day piss me off because as soon as the little spout doesn't produce their precious, they come over to me, the person not even remotely in charge of coffee, stomp their foot, and whine. "The coffeeeeee's ouuuuutttttttttttt-ah. Whennn will thereeeee be moreeeee-uh!!!" Jesus fucking christ drink some juice. Do something healthy instead of drinking coffee. It was out, I shit you not, 55 seconds, I clocked it, and the poor lady that takes care of breakfast was headed over with the coffee cart. SHE WAS IN RANGE FOR FUCKS SAKE! Then, the same lady that was whining at me about there not being any more coffee, (when in fact, there are 4 other pots FULL of coffee, they just aren't the ultra heavy leaded stuff) she came over and asked me if I had WHIPPED CREAM! Do I look like I have whipped cream?! I am standing behind a desk, amidst paper, and pens, and computers. Here, I'll just pull some whipped cream out of my ass, which is also a refrigerator!!! FUCKING DUH! Then, when I said no, she copped a fucking attitude. This has been my experience for the last week, dealing with these asshole tennis players that drink starbucks every day, and drive their Mercedes, and carry those ugly ass quilted bags that look like they come from the 1980's. Not only have I been dealing with this for this entire week, but this has been my experience any time I get NEAR a starbucks. Shit I can't go to Barnes and Noble anymore because there is a starbucks there. Once I went to get a glass of water, and the lady standing behind me was tapping her foot. I turned around and smiled, and she looked at me and said, "Are you gonna be long?" Fuck it. I went to the drinking fountain and gave her a nice lyric as I was passing. So why am I ranting? Next time you are at a FREE coffee machine, and it is empty, don't just go whine to the closest person. Drink some juice or some water, or shut the fuck up and wait for them to refill it. And don't ask stupid questions. I have coffee rage problems.



what is this 'starbucks' you speak of?

10:00 AM  

I didn't think that soy milk had fat. Wouldn't it be Venti 3 shot mocha with soy?

Hehehehe. You're lucky you do not live in Seattle. Within a 3 block radius of the mall I used to work at, in the heart of downtown, I counted 10 starbucks. That is just the ones I know of. Where I work, just outside of Seattle, there are two starbucks in the same parking lot of the strip-mall a mile from my office.

We avoid Starbucks if we have a choice. On Capitol Hill, the locally owned coffee shops outnumber Starbucks 5-1.

8:34 PM  

FUCKERS DID IT TO ME AGAIN!!! This time, they made a sucky drink. Italian Ice. 2 bucks. Is that so hard to figure out? Grind the ice, put the vanilla in, and ask me if i want cream? Yeah, they didn't grind the ice, they screwed up the Vanilla syrup, and they didn't ask for creme. HOW HARD IS IT? I make them at home all the fucking time!!! Why is it that when I go out, (and i obviously can't make one at home and take it with me,) that suddenly the coffee people become retarded?

7:58 PM  

I can't drink coffee.
It's very sad.
It makes my stomach very angry.

I have to live w/ tea.

I love the smell tho...

Thanks for your comments on my site! All lurkers are welcome!

10:21 AM  

Loved your rant! Feel the same about the whole Starbucks mentality!

7:57 PM  

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