Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Lizard Queen, Revisited

Living in South Carolina has afforded me with some interesting experiences. I've held a shark by the gills, I've touched a 2000 year old tree, sat through hurricanes, and seen a bridge finished and two torn down all within a year. Just when I thought none of these things could be outdone, I woke up yesterday not prepared for the events to follow.

Yesterday was a day like any other. I went to work, came home, let the cats out on the porch, and got to work cleaning my room. The cats were all chillin outside, and mom was on the phone. I had nothing on the television, and I was trying to hang a lamp on my ceiling (I was standing on a stool on my bed) when, for some reason, I glanced over my shoulder at margie (my mom's Satan cat). She was walking from the living room by the kitchen, and had something in her mouth. I told her to spit it out, and psssst at her, but she didn't do anything.

I jumped off the stool and bed and ran over to her and caught her and told her to spit it out, whatever it was! I caught her in my mom's bathroom, and pulled the thing out of her mouth. It was a lizard. A little green lizard. Margie was scared and pissed that I had gotten a hold of the thing she was carrying, and ran away. I tried to catch the little bastard, but he ran up onto the sink, and then back down to the floor, and underneath the sink into one of the crannies under there. I closed the door, and laughed. My mom was strikingly calm, and this puzzled me. She then turned white and went, "what was that?"

I tried to find the little bugger in the crannies, but it was too dark and too late. So I closed the door and hoped that he wouldn't get out of the nook until later.

Cut to: Two hours later. My father arrives home, and mom says, "Tell your father what happened today." So, I said, ok. Went into the bathroom, looked around, checked the shower, sink, and ceiling, and said, "well dad, we had a little incident." He said, oh god, and his eyes were the size of dinner plates. I laughed and said, "Margie caught Larry the lizard, and wanted to share! She brought it into your bathroom and deposited him for you." My dad laughed, eyes still the size of dinner plates.

So that night passed, but we were all looking over our shoulder for this little creature we called Larry. I didn't want the cats to get him, I wanted Larry to survive. So that night before bed, I put out a little of Bea's banana in the bathroom, and mom and dad put a towel in front of the door, (so he wouldn't crawl into bed with them and cuddle) and we all went to sleep. I didn't really think another thought about it. He was out of sight, even after we dissected that freakin bathroom sink cabinet.

Next morning, I woke up and got ready for work and went back to bed (a daily ritual so I can get an extra 10 seconds of sleeping and if I over sleep I can wake up and go.) I was just dozing off again when Mom came walking into my room briskly, speaking rather loudly, "I FOUND LARRY." Apparently, lizards have a really high concern for tooth care. Mom found the little guy on top of her toothbrush in her drawer. I calmly, and drowsily, got out of bed and went to see the sight. In I walked into the bathroom, opened the drawer carefully, and there was Larry sitting atop a toothbrush happily green and looking at me! I said, "hi Larry." I then calmly told my mother, who was wringing her hands and dancing around like a little kid who had to pee, to get me a paper towel. I don't know a lot about lizards, and I don't know what kind of diseases they can spread.

So I got the paper towel, and I reached in, and I got hold of him, but he wiggled out. Darn it. I grabbed again, and he landed on the edge of the sink. I tried to grab him but he jumped all the way across the room to the shower curtain. So I moved to the shower curtain. I sorta got a hold of him in the paper towel, then the got out of the paper towel and started climbing on me. I was very calm, little lizards do not freak me out, but he was running around me like I was Mothra. I think that was about the time my mom started to dance. I finally got a hold of him in the little paper towel, and I was just calm and just stood there for a minute. He was chillin, I was chillin, he didn't poop, claw, or bite me, and I was okay with that.

I took him out to the balcony, and we are on the third floor so I thought, okay, I'll set him on the side, and he can crawl up the house, or down the house, and chill. I opened up the paper towel, and tried to kinda dump him out on the balcony railing. I opened the paper towel and he JUMPED off the balony and fell 3 floors, (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa) and landed thunk on a little metal cover that was sitting on the ground. I yelped, I kinda gasped. Oh no! Larry!!! I came inside, forlorn that Larry had fallen to his demise, and mom said, "oh, is Larry okay?" I decided to find out.

I walked down the stairs, bummed that I was gonna have to bury Larry after ALL THAT, and went over to the little metal cover. I looked at Larry, very very closely, and he was brown. He had turned the color of the pine straw all around him. I looked even closer, and he blinked at me, and moved away. SWEET. I kinda gasped "oh. Larry!" Poor Larry had a long day. So I nudged him a little, and he moved into the bushes off to tell his friends about his evening. And I walked back upstairs glad that I hadn't killed Godzirra.


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